The First of Many

*Disclaimer*: There is a lot of cursing in this post because of the emotion that I put in. My opinions and what I say are not meant to offend anyone. I am simply putting my thoughts out there for those Asian-Americans or anyone that experiences stuff like I do. This blog site is not a professional blog at all and it is not meant to. This is a blog to express myself and help others express their self. People are free to comment whatever they wish and ask me any kinds of questions.  Oh…there also may be some terrible grammar mistakes in this one cuz I uploaded this late sorry XD.


June 27th, 2017

10:02 PM

Dear Rose,

I decided to call my journal’s name Rose because it’s a favorite name of mine. I hope to name my daughter Rose if I even get a daughter XD. Today has been hell…. yet again. Fucking Margerine (the lady that allowed my parents to rent the rooms upstairs in her house, she has a terrible personality-btw that’s the nickname I gave her XD) tried to feed my beautiful dog Kella some food off of the table. Everyone that loves their pet knows that many human foods are not good for dogs because they make them gain weight and a dog’s stomach is sensitive. I told my mother about it and she said that dogs can eat anything and it was rude…..ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME????!!! It’s not rude to tell someone not to do something to my dog. MYYYYY DOG!  It’s fucking screwed up man. Then this whole thing gave me a mental breakdown because this isn’t the first time my opinion was ignored. In Filipino families, if you are younger your opinions are always wrong and you don’t know anything. So imagine you’re a 20-year old that is studying Neurology and your parents don’t think you know anything……. yep suicide. I have had thoughts of suicide since middle school. I thought they went away but they never truly left. It got worse in college. I have to stay with my parents over the summer because I don’t have an apartment of my own. It’s hell. Basically, my opinion doesn’t matter, they never try to understand or work things out with me or sit me down and ask how I am feeling. My fucking mother never says fucking sorry when it’s her fucking fault. Fucking mother fucker! I know I sound like a brat but imagine your this young adult that has great ambitions, made good decisions, has great grades, but you’re still treated like a child at the age of 20. I fucking hate it here. I literally have several mental breakdowns every time I’m with my parents for longer than a couple of weeks. They are so narrow-minded and they fucking suck. I try to understand them, I truly do…..but they never did the same for me. Now…..I’m having problems with suicidal thoughts. When you live like this 24/7 it gets exhausting and frustrating. I’m so glad I have Matt, my boyfriend. Without him….I don’t know what would happen. There is just so much pressure in my family to be perfect, to do what’s best for the family………..then there’s all the rest of the shit that’s happening. It sucks, it fucking sucks. I know people have it worse than me……but right now……what I’m going through is hard to handle. IYou kids out there that have parents that change their parenting styles age you age and based on your personality……go you. You have it good.



The Filipino Diaries



One thought on “The First of Many

  1. Feels like just miscommunication between you and your parents. As we age, we become more understanding and patient, and things that made you mad won’t bother you anymore. I’m an old lady now and I regret not being good enough to my parents when they were still alive.:(

    Liked by 1 person

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