*Disclaimer*: There is cursing in this post because of the emotion that I put in. My opinions and what I say are not meant to offend anyone. This blog site is not a professional blog at all and it is not meant to. People are free to comment whatever they wish and ask me any kinds of questions. Also, my posts will always be pretty raw so you may find some or a lot of grammar mistakes XD.
June 30th, 2017
This morning was eventful. My father and I had a heart to heart talk where I told him almost everything. Underlining almost. Definitely didn’t tell him about the suicidal thoughts I have. Nonetheless, it was still a talk. I’m not sure how it went honestly XD. I told him how I felt, how they didn’t seem to understand me and that I was stressed out trying to be the perfect Filipino daughter. I also told him about how they talked to me, how they made it seem they didn’t respect my opinion and when I told them some things they made me feel like I was a liar. Overall, I think it went ok. He said that they did everything for me and that I didn’t try to understand them. However, I do. I do get it. They did everything for me to get me to where I am now. But the toughness of my family has consequences, psychological consequences. I try to understand them and the culture, but it’s just I don’t get it why they have to talk to me as if I don’t know anything. It irritates me. I told my father that and he says I do the same thing to them. I feel that the only way to get my point across is to be aggressive. In this family weakness isn’t really an option. Idk, I told him I understand that I have issues and I try to work on them, but you guys need to work on them too. When I’m with Matt, I just don’t act the same way. Maybe it’s because he has a much calmer personality and he works with me on my issues instead of encouraging it. I don’t know, I still think it’s better to keep things to myself than tell them…….especially about the whole suicidal thing. I know people have it worse than me, but when an emotional person can’t talk about their feelings to their parents……it blows out of portion later. All of you out there, if you have something to say to your parents, then do it. Don’t be like me and keep it all in. It makes everything worse. But, I understand if you don’t want to. I want everyone that’s reading this that they can come to me for anything and I will be there to talk. It’s better to let it out than let it stay in. Hopefully, things will get better after this. Idk…..cuz they’re stuck in their ways. I want everyone to know that I get what my parents are saying and I try to understand, I truly do. I know they’re not perfect and I’m not perfect. I just wish they would try to understand me as deeply as I try to understand them. Well gonna sign out Rose. Will keep you updated if I see any changes. I will also try my best to change my personality one step at a time 🙂 .
The Filipino Diaries